  What Profs Really Mean
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This needs some minor revision. = I never actually got around to reading this.
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My office hours are by appointment only. = I like to get out of here early.
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Ten percent of your grade is based on class participation = I'll be fudging your grades.
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This won't be on the test. = Nap time!
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Bring the text to class. = I don't have a clue how to lecture--we'll just kill time with group read-alongs.
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Talk to the department secretary. = Get lost.
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Talk to me in my office after class. = Get out of my face.
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The tests will all be multiple-choice. = I take questions directly from the study guide and have grad students do all my grading.
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Don't come in late during my lecture. = I have the attention span of a fruit fly.
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Save your questions until the end. = Fruit-fly attention span
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The final will be comprehensive. = I'll expect you to recapitulate in two hours everything I couldn't fully cover myself in 15 weeks.
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Everyone will prepare in-class oral presentations. = This course is outside my specialty--I'll just bluff it and let YOU teach.
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There are two TAs available to help you. = I can't be bothered.
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This year I'll be scaling the grades. = I just passed tenure review.
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Let's break up into quiet discussion groups. = I have a hangover.
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Let's have class outdoors today! = I had beans for lunch.
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You won't be able to sell back the text to the bookstore. = My contract wasn't picked up.
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Please note the last day to withdraw. = The midterm's gonna suck.
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he answer to number 4 is "b," and just skip number 17. = I only got around to making up the test last night.
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The second list is optional reading. = I have a rich fantasy life.
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I haven't had a chance to make up the syllabus for this course yet. = The idiot department chair stuck me with teaching this course at the last possible minute.
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Well, it was on the syllabus. = I'll hold you responsible for this even though I forgot about it myself.
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We'll just skip the term paper this semester. = There wasn't enough in the budget for a TA.
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Attendance is required and will be counted in your grade. = I'm so boring that no one would show up otherwise
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Read chapters 5 through 10. = I'm not coming in at all next week
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We'll have to cover this chapter quickly. = I screwed up the lecture schedule.
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Let's go over the exam. = Half of you failed.
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It was in the textbook. = I pulled it out of thin air.
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I'm postponing today's exam. = There's stuff on the exam I forgot to cover.
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Don't write on the question sheet. = I'm so lazy I just use the same exams every semester.
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