Seeking a Bald Redhead
by Charles M. Bidwell, PhD
June, 2001

It's intriguing how we build our preferences for certain types of bodies. I mean, a person can be a delightful spirit and we can still overlook them because they don't have a body or face that triggers a response in us that says “Wow, what a great looking person.” And we sometimes lose out because of our inability or unwillingness to look beyond the body. I know they say that the eyes are the windows on the soul, but there are many faces whose eyes I have not bothered to penetrate, let alone look into. My loss I guess.

It's almost predictable how we form our preferences. Pleasure is a strong re-enforcer. I remember having a wonderful time in the company of a guy who was bald and ever since then a bald head gets my attention. Maybe I'm looking for another delightful engagement with a replica of that bald guy. I also had no intention of being attracted to red-headed people. My association with them has been unpleasant. I have found them argumentative and quick-tempered. Then I met a young man who was cultured, artistic, playful and thoroughly entertaining. He also thought I was the best thing that had happened to him and so we lived together until he died. I now have a special place in my vision for a red-headed man. So I guess my number one target is a bald redhead. Who knows? But one of the lessons they have both taught me is, don't set too much stock on the outward appearance or especially on a specific type. You know, when people say, “They're not my type” what they really mean is “I'm not attracted to that type of body”. Dress it up, package it attractively, and they still say, “Not for me.”

Now I'm not saying be indiscriminate. There need to be people who aren't attracted to everyone or we'd live in an impossible world with everyone wanting to be with everyone else. I for one am deeply grateful that there is a wide variety of attractions and that I and no one else has them all. I sense that some people have had pleasant encounters with at least one older person and they now have an attraction for people older than they are. I also know of many people who are equally attracted to people younger than they are. What perfect matches are possible there. Most people are looking for a partner close to their age and there are plenty of candidates. There are folks who have a strong preference for chubby folks and others who long to be intimate with a person of a certain ethnic origin.

Ant then there is the preference for people of certain persuasions or fetishes. Leather folk tend to congregate and mate among their clan. Likewise, the naturists, botanists, cross-dressers and transgendered persons, etc. Well, maybe these don't all mate within their clans, but they certainly find and value social intercourse within their communities.

I guess what I'm trying to express is that some strongly held preferences may need to be held as being true to ourselves while we are hunting for a partner. But others may be prudently held open to our advantage. So you haven't been attracted to a hairy body, but if everything else about the person is pleasant, then be open to getting to know the 'bear' better and who knows, hair may become your favourite thing, like my bald and red-headed experiences. There's a song in the musical “Carousel” where a young woman who has fallen in love with a fisherman [the song title is “Mister Snow”] sings that “now fish is my favourite perfume.” Pleasant associations can be very powerful influences on what attracts our attention and what motivates our choices. Be thankful that there is at least one 'special someone' for everyone. And the next love of my life may very well not be either bald or a redhead.